Street Easy: RARE BEAUTY, ‘EFFING GORGEOUS .5 br/ shared bath in Park Slope, Brooklyn!
Rat Robertson comes and goes as he pleases. Don’t worry he’s not a mouse, he’s an actual giant nasty son of a bitch one-eyed rat.
.5 bedroom for $4666 a month!
Welcome to hell! I mean home. Fuck, I really gotta stop voice-noting these things. Okay, Ricky let's do this. First impressions…This is a gorgeous 7th-floor walk-up, pre-war dump — with no heat and no hot water. Note to self, find a classy way to say that the landlord is not responsible for heat.
Spacious living room offers no natural light and no space. Charming in a “Halloween way” and ready for immediate move-in!
Pets welcome!! In fact, this lovely half-bedroom comes with a friend. Rat Robertson comes and goes as he pleases. Don’t worry he’s not a mouse, he’s an actual giant nasty son of a bitch one-eyed rat. He’s old and he’s seen some shit. And that one good eye will find you in the middle of the night when you least expect it and stare into the depths of your soul and you become frozen with fear. Brokers fee is 15% of the annual rent.
To qualify you must show that you can buy the apartment in cash and the Landlord requires you to answer riddles three:
- A man offers above asking rent for an apartment, does he get said apartment?
- If a house becomes a home does the rent go up?
- A landlord keeps your security deposit, was it ever really yours to begin with?
Tenant pays for all utilities, exorcisms, and all of Rat Robertson’s vet bills. Only individuals with active health insurance will be considered.
WILL NOT LAST!!!!!!! Email or text for showing. Send your income, credit, high school GPA, and reference letter from your most recent ex-lover.
Please note the bathroom is shared with the Variety Coffee Shop on the first floor. Ask barista Taylor for the key–she’s the nice one.
*Correction: Brokers fee is 17% of your annual income.
