Ask Julie Jazz
Harsh truths for lovers in peril.
S.O.S. He’s butchering my heart!
Dear Julie,
Recently I’ve adopted a STRICT no pork diet and I couldn’t be happier! My husband on the other hand, is going though the five stages of grief.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m very lucky to have a hubby willing to change his lifestyle for me. But he betrayed me. I came home early from work dying for the loo — raced to the bathroom and I found him eating a TRAY FULL OF EXTRA CRISPY BACON on the toilet!
I wish I were kidding. God knows if it was a number two or worse…masterbation. Yuck! I was so frustrated and confused, I burst into tears on the spot!
I’ve asked him to pack his bags and we haven’t talked since. Am I being too sensitive?
Sincerely,
Sad and pig friendly
Dear Sad and pig friendly,
Three words for you. Yes and yes.
The second yes is for a question I’m sure you’re asking yourself “am I an idiot?” You must be mulling this one over, because guess what, MEN NEED MEAT. And they love pork.
Now, I’m the first to appreciate an adorable drugstore piglet calendar come Spring but you can’t force your beliefs on your husband. Clearly, he was driven insane by your rules and forced to HIDE OUT ON THE CAN. That’s a warning sign that the punishment doesn’t fit the crime.
It would do you a great amount of good to analyze why you reacted like a spoiled child and for god sakes put some locks on the bathroom door.
forever,
Julie Jazz
